“Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in
vain.” –Psalm 127:1
Picture this, for years you have been planning your dream
home! When you are about to begin the construction process, the most famous
builder in the world approaches you and offers to build the house for you.
Wouldn’t it be utterly foolish to reject his offer and instead try building it
on your own? In that same way--- God is the master builder of the family! Let
him show you how to build a marriage and family that will exceed your most
cherished expectations and dreams. Follow his direction and his guidelines….
Trust in him to show you how to build something that will last!
As I have mentioned before… we need a strong foundation. You
need a stable personal foundation to have a stable foundation with another
individual to make a marriage work. Correct? Sure, it may work “as is” for a
while... but what happens when one of those storms come through like we
discussed. . . You are going to crumble because you have not spiritually prepared
for the storm.
In marriage we face many obstacles. I have selected 12 key points
I want to touch on that I feel are all of importance.
In Genesis 2:24 we read, “For this reason a man will leave
his father and mother and become united to his wife, and they will become one
flesh.” This of course is God’s Ideal… these days- does it hardly ever happen
that way, not so much... but how inspiring and holy would scripture be if it
read, “Thou shall be pregnant at age 15, experience extreme confusion on which one
night stand was the other responsible party, and thou parents shall provide for
unborn child until child/”said parent” is of legal age.” Right?
For one to share the bond of husband and wife a connection
must be made. Somehow, for whatever reason the couple is in love. Correct?
Ephesians 5:1-2 tells us to “be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved
children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up
for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” So in Peter 4:8 we read
that “Love covers over a multitude of sins”, right? In John 13:34-35 tell us to
love one another- “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved
you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my
disciples, if you love one another.”
As a husband, “Each one of you also must love his wife as he
loves himself and the wife her husband.” –Ephesians 5:33. Since we are focusing
on the ladies I will just simply leave some references to scripture for you to
pass on if you would like…. Genesis 2:24, Proverbs 5:18, & Ephesians 5:25.
Here we go ladies, Proverbs 31:10-12 will make you smile; “A
wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her
husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him
good, not harm, all the days of her life.” -----Ahhhhh… Where would these men
be without us?
Simplifying the overall outlook of marriage, one of two
things can happen- one would be a positive outcome and one would be more of a negative
outcome (in my opinion).
POSITIVE: Obviously
if you are content in your marriage, work as a team when it comes to decision
making, develop good communication, and have a strong bond,… you will have
success. In Hebrews 13:5 we read, “Keep your lives free from the love of money
and be content with what you have.” Too many times we confuse what we want with
what we need and this causes conflict between spouses. Whether it be an argument
over finances igniting or a lack of communication—you will in return have to
face that one did wrong and they may not see it as ‘wrong’ but maybe as a ‘reward’.
Marriage is a partnership you need to be able to agree when necessary as well
as agree to disagree at time. Decision making needs to be a strong point in
your marriage. We need to listen to advice, seek the counsel of many advisors,
and obtain guidance. As we read in Psalm 25:4-5, “Show me your ways, O Lord,
teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me. Be open to discussion,
you don’t always have to have the last word. As women, this is something we
struggle with. We sometime tend to think we have to have the final say and it
sometimes leads to more problems. (Just food for thought..)
Picture this, your laying a new sidewalk in front of your
home. This sidewalk will not take a lot of concrete therefore you choose to
purchase the ready-mix bags of concrete. All you will have to do is add water
and stir until ready to pour. Easy enough, right? Well a marriage without good
communication is like trying to complete your sidewalk without any water….
POOF! Many times as husband and wife, our words get the best of us. Haven’t we
all had those moments where we have said something and once we cool down we
realize we didn’t mean that at all? …. Guess what? Sometimes, one you say those
things they are there and they leave a scar. “Pleasant words are a honeycomb,
sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” (Proverbs 16:24) So, we need to be
a little more careful of how quick we are to speak in anger. Guard your words,
choose them carefully for they can make or break a very special bridge in your
marriage. We need to learn to speak more graciously, yet still speak the truth
in love.
As I mentioned before, without the proper foundation—it is a
lot harder to succeed in any situation. If you have not established that strong
foundation in your marriage, success is a long shot and you probably don’t have
the club to make the shot! As we all hate to face it, the divorce rate is
climbing. I don’t at all think people should live with one another when they
are not truly happy. Does this mean throw marriage around like nothing and get
divorced? Absolutely not! There are so many couples who get divorced without
even trying… If that is the case you didn’t deserve to get married in the first
place. It sickens me how it’s “just a piece of paper” to some people. I am
sorry, but my marriage is far more than a “piece of paper”… we aren’t talking about
our English homework here! Maddie always says, “Mommy, the bible says God made
a very special woman for every man out there and there is only one!” Still haven’t
found those exact words … but I did see that 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 says, “A
woman must not separate from her husband. If she does, she must remain
unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband.” Do I think it is wrong that
people get divorced? Absolutely not! Do I think many people rush into marriage
before they know whether or not they truly love each other? 100 % yes! I know
several people who have divorced and remarried and live completely happy lives...
my own opinion of this is that for whatever reason they didn’t marry the right
person the first time. For whatever reason that foundation wasn’t established,
there was not contentment, no communication, and probably a “my way or the highway”
method of decision making. And to this I say that some of God’s greatest gifts
are unanswered prayers. By failing with the first marriage, many people be sure
to do things right the second time. We can’t all be perfect, as I said in the
beginning we are going to make a positive out of ‘mistakes’ we have made and we
will grow from them, as will others.
There are many reasons for divorce. In Proverbs 6:32 it says
that a man who commits adultery lacks judgment; whoever does so destroys
himself. SO true! Who wants to be with a
cheater? They are damaged goods, right? (More scripture relating to adultery:
Exodus 20:14, 2 Samuel 11, & Matthew 5:27-28) Jealousy is something some
struggle with; I know I have struggled with this in my own marriage. We are
women- for whatever reason there will always be someone out there skinnier,
funnier, and prettier. We have to face it and move on! However, so many people
let jealousy get the best of them when in fact, there was nothing to be jealous
of in the first place… If you establish a good foundation in your marriage-
even Baywatch Barbie won’t be able to bring you down. You will be dancing
around in your kitchen, cooking supper singing, “My baby loves me just the way
that I am!!!” at the top of your lungs…. Ohhhhhhkkkaaaaaaaaaaaaay… maybe not-
but how many of you just pictured yourself or even me dancing around the
kitchen like that. (It was a good laugh anyways… we all need those every once
in a while!) Proverbs 27:4 is powerful it reads “Anger is cruel and fury
overwhelming but who can stand before jealousy?”---------
As awkward as this is... I have to break out the pillow talk----
Trying to find appropriate references to start me off has me stumped. God has designed
your sexuality to be like a plant that only grows in the right greenhouse. That
greenhouse is marriage! God wants you to enjoy being caressed by your husband,
to long for his arms wrapped around you and to find comfort, joy and strength
in your sexual relationship! If you are just enduring sex instead of enjoying
it--- then you need to talk to your husband! This is where some carry the past
like a heavy burden. . . Ask yourself: Is there an underlying problem in your
marriage that is interfering? Are unresolved problems from your past choking out
your pleasure? (Is it fair that your husband is paying for things he has no
control over?) Are there things that your husband or you could do differently
in the bedroom? ---- Try talking openly about your sex life, it helps a lot! Think
back to when you first got together, find that spark again and reignite it.
Your marriage should be a commitment for life! Whatever
happened to “’til death do us part,” – it used to be that when couples pledged themselves
in marriage they meant it. Sadly, many Christian couples today enter into
marriage thinking they can always get out and try again if this marriage doesn’t
work. Yet God designed marriage as a permanent union of two people into one for
his glory---not a temporary alliance until something goes wrong or one of the
people find a better option! ------ (This topic frustrates me and I could go on
for hours about how disappointed I am in today’s society!!!!!!!) Is it really
too much to ask for, really? Why do people not take marriage seriously? God
does!
Closing this post—I could have taken several different
approaches but I want to take a look at our daily choices in your marriage.
Perhaps your marriage isn’t delivering the fairy-tale life you’d dreamed of.
Your prince devotes all his time and energy to work, sports, the computer, the
car, the yard, the cell phone, HUNTING----anything but you. He’s more like a roommate
than the soul mate you had hoped for. And you’re starting to wonder if it’s
worth staying or if you should just give up. NEWS FLASH: Real life isn’t a
fairy tale and real life is not that fuzzy feeling in your tummy they describe
in movies—it’s a choice God calls you to make each moment of each day.
My advice to you is to CHOOSE to love your husband with the
same unconditional love God continually shows you!
For more scripture, refer to Ephesians 5:21-32- really
explains the duty of husband and wife. I
also found 1 Peter 3:1-8 to be great advice on marriage!!!!!!
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